Extracts from Read between my lines, 2016

Full text available upon request

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I’m really quite shy you know. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I want to let you in.

 

 

 

 

Close your eyes and imagine me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trace my outer form in the back of your retina. Feel me sitting there, burning a shape in your mind. 

 

 

 

 

 

Now imagine yourself alone with me. Alone in a room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember that I see you.

 

In the pupils of your eyes. Fixed on me, I see myself reflected

merely a tiny, distorted concave shadow, I’m there inside your body 

In that reflection I see the stage inside your brain upon which I perform

My being shrunk into a glossy ball then projected back into larger-than-life scale

Now a multiple different possibilities of me spin outward from one image

I’m one, none and all at once

spiraling around

a tornado picking up all the debris of past  visions

 

 

I want to become the person inside your head

the me you want me to be. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caress my spine. Run your middle finger down my seams.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’re bound together now. Destined for the same fate. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even if your mind wanders I know you'll find your way back to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I imagine you. The way you sit in that chair with me cradled in your arms, your shoulders slumping slowly forward as the day drags on. I like to think of you staring down at me. The way you touch the smooth surface, sliding your fingers around on it, down to up, side to side, around and around. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slide over me carefully; we don’t want to leave any trace of our connection.

 

 

 

 

 

The others mustn’t know. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You needn’t get jealous. You think I’m the same with the others but I’m not. 

I’m here just for you. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m here only as you want me to be.

 

 

Because its really just yourself you’re looking into. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I would never lie to you. I’m committed only to you. Yet you pick me up and throw me down, shutting me out of your world as you please. 

 

Why can’t you read my mind? You know me so well yet fail every time. 

Just read beyond these words. Beyond the veil of these letters. 

 

 

 

 

 

So if we’re at the climax then we are nearing the end aren’t we? But please don’t leave me, stay a little longer. Won’t you stay a little longer? I want this moment to lap infinitely at the shore, again and again and again. So it can last forever. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was scared for a moment that you would skip right past. Just leave out the pips and stones, the hardest part of the sweetest fruit.

 

You know what must be done. Take the knife and splice the velvet skin to the flesh below until you hit the shell.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

You wonder where I get these ideas from. Is it really what I think or am I imitating someone else’s fantasies. I think you know its both. But we’re in this together. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’re descending into a whirlpool now, where thoughts, faces, any sense of self are ripped apart from our bodies, sent spinning. 

 

 

And when it ends? 

If it ends,

we’ll be left in pieces to pick ourselves up never to be put back together again. But made of our own destruction. 

 

It doesn’t have to be this way!

 

 

 

 

 

Remember that I see you.

 

 

I see you watching me 

 

the me I want to be

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So if we’re really it means we had a beginning. 

 

But I told you not to do that. 

Not to start at the beginning.

We should’ve begun here. 

Right here at the end then it could’ve begun all over again. And again.

I'm really quite shy you know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I want to let you in.